Thank you, Mind

Last night I felt as if I was one of the palm trees that the wind was tossing about. Then I became the salty air.  Then I turned into the sand that was lying beneath my toes, losing its heat from the daylight sun, as night settled in. Then my brain said “What a privilege it is to be here!”

Once upon a time ago, we had no computers, no cell phones, no devices devices devices and we used to read and  sit around the table every night for dinner and dig up the dandelions in the front yard for twenty five cents an hour. And during those times, the elders would say, “I remember when I walked five miles to get to school, rain or shine! No one had a car! And if we wanted too read, we went to the library, because we didn’t own our books! And to take a train into the city was a BIG treat”.  Tucked into the folds of each sharing is the notion that ‘It was better then, our lives had soul.’

Oh pooh! Our lives had no more soul then than they do now! It is true that technologically we have a mega dose of highly distracting options, but our minds have always created their own distractions, forever and ever. It is up to each of us to develop an ongoing relationship with our minds, an awareness and respect that incorporates  ‘Shhhhhhhhhhhh, I love you, mind, but I’m busy being here right now, please be still …..thank you.’ into our daily lives.

And your mind will thank you later.


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Light Meditation

The sun has set every evening since the world began and yet standing back from the ocean’s edge watching people gaze at it in awe, in holy reverence, and in wonder,  I can only marvel.   I light a candle before my meditation ritual, I light candles to calm myself, I light candles to send prayers to loved ones, and I send messages of love and light to friends, or surround them in light if they’re in need of protection.  Our souls know that the closed buds that live inside of us, grow, when infused with light, just as flowers burst forth on earth, but somehow we forget this when out and about in the world. Our brains take us elsewhere and we allow thoughts of worry and upset to fill our voids. Why?
Primitive peoples from ancient times worshiped light,  mystics meditated on it. Light has been the nectar to which we are drawn and from which our openings are born but we pretend that we don’t know this.
How beautiful it would be to glide into the future, creating a oneness, a convergence, a vibrational surge of compassion and goodness.  Hmmmm, time to close the eyes, visualize light, and connect to it.


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Soaring Hearts

The light streaked in my window this morning and crept over my face. I kept my eyes closed to experience this moment on earth, in this body, on this couch.

This is the same earth on which, and my body no different in its humaness than, the thousands of grieving, mis-placed, deeply wounded people of the Philippine Islands. I kept my eyes closed and thought of this and the words of St. Exupery ‘What I went through, no animal would go through’.

Our humaness….excruciating and wondrous.

May we all together, go into our hearts and send them up, out and over there. These people need our love and support.

Every morning for this entire holy season that is approaching, let’s do this!Image

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Extending Oneself


There has been a chasm of silence between this moment and my last post. I have felt overwhelmed with the endless reality of gypsy meandering. The passions, commitments and structures of my former life continue to live on in my heart and soul,  and though this physical reality can be dealt with and endured, there are aspects of it which, over time, diminish one’s ability to function beyond survival. This can be distressing and life threatening, as the body takes on the messages and its vitality begins to wobble. And yet, my soul knowing is that giving must be kept alive as this is what makes us human.

Being taken to one’s knees brings the conscious and subconscious together in ways that are otherwise  not possible. What is it about being in dyer distress that propels clarity? When illness, pain or loss land in one’s lap, ultimate truth blinks back. 

Whenever we see blurbs on tv immediately after a natural disaster, the common response to microphone in face is ‘We have each other’ or ‘The important thing is that my loved ones are safe’,  and then the surge of the masses come help.

The agonies and loss of those in need touch us with life in its purest form and we see, face to face, what is real and essential, and this is true of ourselves, as well.  Our yearnings, our courage, and our faith  rise to the surface and we are all one.  Everyone sees and feels and recognizes truth and spirit in these moments and it is here that we know what being human is all about…it is about reaching out and holding hands. It is about giving and receiving.

What if it is oneself that is in crisis? What then? The same and more so. Once one has walked these walks of fire, and embraced the lessons of patience and surrender while the pain is burning deeply, compassion is ignited in a new way. All that one sees is the plight of being human and the immediate recognition of others’ trials becomes the lens through which one filters everything.

Extending one’s heart and sharing a moment of recognition is the most beautiful gift.

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Our Anniversary and Beyond

Yesterday, October 4th, would have been my husband’s and my tenth wedding anniversary, except that our divorce came through two weeks ago. This all very surreal. We joined together over a dream….the dream to make my stories, which became my scripts, which then became our scripts, which then became our shared passion, which we believed in so profoundly, that we turned our backs on warnings and nay saying and even when we had to walk out into the great beyond, leaving our home behind, we never ever doubted.

That is the truth. Together, for ten years, we have ridden this horse. For almost five years we have been without a home, which is challenging to say the least, to creativity, focus, optimism and faith. To say this has been an incredible chapter is to say that when one sticks one’s hand in a flame ‘it hurts a little’…this chapter is beyond description and will take years to assimilate. I have been coaxed by friends to ‘let ‘er rip’ in the truth department…’share the agonies of despair and disappointment and struggle and the sorrow in the abandonment of friends,  PLEASE!’. I cannot. They are there, but for me, what is on top is gratitude, and so from this place I write.

For ten years, my husband and I were either conserving our pennies or had none and so for ten years we have not celebrated our anniversary, birthdays or Christmas. Yesterday with a swift swish swish swish of my light sabor, I commanded my husband to come with me to the rooftop lounge of the Erwin Hotel in Venice and observe our kingdom together, with marguerita and fizzy water in hand, and toast the next ten years, wherever they may lead us!

And we did. With joy and a hint of hilarity, as there is NO ONE who knows this kingdom as intimately as we….having walked and walked and slept and slogged, so many corners of Venice, Santa Monica, and greater LA!

To the next ten years! TO DREAMS!!!!!!!!! And knowing.


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Garbage Rummaging

Recently, in a Santa Monica coffee shop, I overheard two men boisterously chatting up both of their newly acquired properties in the neighborhood. One of them smirkily said “Yeah, the only drawback is the alley activity, if you know what I mean!” And the response? “Oh man, it’s disgusting! I wish they’d get rid of those people, they need to find someone else’s garbage to pilfer, they don’t belong here!”

It’s taken me awhile to be able to write about this. What is there to say? What part of the human heart doesn’t flood with tears and upset over this degree of selfish unconsciousness?

Several years ago, while still living in the blue house, I attended a personal growth program for two weeks, and one of the required exercises was to not eat for three days and then go out into the world (upscale Santa Monica in this case) weak and wearing sweat pants, tee shirt, no make-up, no wallet for a whole day.  The only words that you were allowed to speak to anyone were ‘I’m hungry’ or ‘Will you feed me?’ This was an incredible sobering experience. In one afternoon….one afternoon out of a lifetime of ‘other’ for most….we discovered the courage that it took to ask this question, the humility experienced to appear less than, the ego lessons around not being able to defend our apparent helplessness,  the kindness and willingness of strangers to help and the cellular realization and gift in knowing ‘there but for the grace of God go I’ with those in true need, and let us never turn a blind eye or deaf ear again.

Again, wImagehat is there to say? The next time that one sees a homeless person dumpster diving, watch. With empathy. And when you throw out your uneaten food, perhaps you would wrap and seal it and lay it out respectfully.

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Jerked Rug? No, A Major Earthquake

Homeless Mountain

In the beginning of these almost five years of no home-ness, I had to live moment by moment while trying to orchestrate one day at a time to survive. Tossed out into the world with no money and no plan was so daunting that I couldn’t even feel it, and meanwhile I had to deal with it, every second.  It took weeks and months to learn the ropes of ‘making it’, with no space at all to think about the big picture or dreams or who I was, or anything. Just survival.

When I began writing ‘Homeless Mountain’ last December, I was not in that place of anguish any more. I was, for the first time, seeing light in a very strange tunnel that had become my residence, because roofs were showing up more regularly and providing time out, solace, space to breathe and the ability to see and feel…

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